Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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