I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
