It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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