yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
