They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
