She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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