and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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