I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
