I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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