She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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