she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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