Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
