Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
smell my finger.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Still dying that you shit outside
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
