i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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