Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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