PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
