he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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