billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're a waste of cheezeits
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
