Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
