I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
