Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
