and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
