It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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