That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
