I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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