at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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