So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
