is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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