Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
