I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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