At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
