There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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