i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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