Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
