I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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