I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
