u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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