and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
