i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
