What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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