you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
