i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Buhtt sex?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
