problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
tonight lets celebrate not being married
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
