Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
