So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
