Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
