its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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