If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
