A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize