I didn't shave. On purpose
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
