you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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