Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
