dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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