The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so let's talk penis.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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