Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
