I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
