I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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