you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
