her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
