saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize