I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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