matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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