he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
