I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
