you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize