Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Michael Bay diarrhea
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
