I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
