Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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