sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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