I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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