are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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