Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
