It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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