did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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