Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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