we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
