as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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