its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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