wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
