Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
