dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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