I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
