How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
