ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
